Lost.
I guess it's been a while for me on the ol' blog, and I could have never imagined the events that transpired over the past few months. I'm slightly at a loss for words, so this post may seem random at spots. By the way, the comma key on my keyboard is now broken, and it takes a little effort type them. Another by the way, I just poured orange juice into half a glass of Mountain Dew. It is still delicious.
So I was in a relationship for the first time in my life for maybe the past month or so. Unfortunately, that ended today. I'm still not sure what to think of it quite yet. It was an amazing feeling to know that someone was interested in me and part of me feels like an idiot for giving that up. As much as I want to think otherwise, she was right; I was more interested in the fact that I was in a relationship than I was in the girl. I was so caught up in the excitement of new things that I let that drive the furtherance of the relationship. After all the years of being passed over, I always thought that I'd be the ideal mate for whoever was willing, and now it looks like I'm just another one of those chumps that I make fun of every day.
Looking back, I'm wondering why I didn't have that "interest" in her. She was an attractive, funny, and nice girl; nice family and friends, good career, etc. Certainly a catch. I think one of the reasons was that there was no initial sense of pursuit or challenge. I never really approached her or came to her with interest in more. It just came to me kind of randomly. Maybe at that time, I was so frustrated with being single that I was desperate for anything. When an opporunity came, it seemed so appealing because I actually had an opportunity. Finally, and most importantly, I think I just wanted to be single. I know it sounds really strange, but part of me wants to stay single and alone forever. It's safe and somewhat comforting. Not to say that being with someone isn't great, but maybe it's just that I would rather feel sorry for myself. I always felt that no one would be interested in me, and I still feel that way. Even though the girl tried to make me think otherwise, this past weekend brought me right back to how I normally felt.
So this past weekend, I went with Mr. Johnson to Jacksonville for the ACC Championship game. It was a great game and probably the best time I had in a long time. So while I was down there, I met this girl who was a friend of a friend of a friend. She was pretty cool, and I got her number. One might think that she would have wanted to talk to me again, but I think the alcohol may have clouded her judgment. Normally at these social events, I stay as close to the walls as possible and keep to myself. That is, if I go. "Normally", I would be sitting in my room with the TV on. Actually, looking back at that night, I think I originally wanted to go to bed instead of go downtown. Anyway, it may have been the first time that a female gave me the light of day in public. I must admit it was kind of cool, and it made the night more fun than I would have thought it could have been.
I still haven't talked to this girl yet or contacted her, and I'm not sure if I want to anymore. During the ridiculously long drive home, I had time to ponder, and amazingly enough, I reverted to my old attitudes that no girl would ever be interested in me. Even if she was, it wouldn't be practically possible, since she goes to school at Tech. Mr. Johnson is right. It would be silly.
But at least that made me realize that I didn't have the feelings for my girl that I thought I had. A good thing? Well, it wasn't fair for her to be with someone who didn't share the same feelings or interest level. I don't think I was cut out for this. I think I'm better off back up on the mountain to tend to my gardens. Forever.
By the way, I think I need new shirts.
On another topic, finals are fast approaching. I need to learn constitutional law, criminal procedure, and federal income tax in exactly 6 days. Luckily, I haven't done a lick of work all semester. I also have a 15-pager on government patent infringement due in two weeks. I have a "rough outline". In other words, I have nothing. Every day, I think about just leaving law school, switching to a ground contract, and going straight to TBS. Maybe.
The protagonist in the book, 'Candide', always says that everything is for the best. I tend to agree with that view.
I think that is it for now. Good evening.
So I was in a relationship for the first time in my life for maybe the past month or so. Unfortunately, that ended today. I'm still not sure what to think of it quite yet. It was an amazing feeling to know that someone was interested in me and part of me feels like an idiot for giving that up. As much as I want to think otherwise, she was right; I was more interested in the fact that I was in a relationship than I was in the girl. I was so caught up in the excitement of new things that I let that drive the furtherance of the relationship. After all the years of being passed over, I always thought that I'd be the ideal mate for whoever was willing, and now it looks like I'm just another one of those chumps that I make fun of every day.
Looking back, I'm wondering why I didn't have that "interest" in her. She was an attractive, funny, and nice girl; nice family and friends, good career, etc. Certainly a catch. I think one of the reasons was that there was no initial sense of pursuit or challenge. I never really approached her or came to her with interest in more. It just came to me kind of randomly. Maybe at that time, I was so frustrated with being single that I was desperate for anything. When an opporunity came, it seemed so appealing because I actually had an opportunity. Finally, and most importantly, I think I just wanted to be single. I know it sounds really strange, but part of me wants to stay single and alone forever. It's safe and somewhat comforting. Not to say that being with someone isn't great, but maybe it's just that I would rather feel sorry for myself. I always felt that no one would be interested in me, and I still feel that way. Even though the girl tried to make me think otherwise, this past weekend brought me right back to how I normally felt.
So this past weekend, I went with Mr. Johnson to Jacksonville for the ACC Championship game. It was a great game and probably the best time I had in a long time. So while I was down there, I met this girl who was a friend of a friend of a friend. She was pretty cool, and I got her number. One might think that she would have wanted to talk to me again, but I think the alcohol may have clouded her judgment. Normally at these social events, I stay as close to the walls as possible and keep to myself. That is, if I go. "Normally", I would be sitting in my room with the TV on. Actually, looking back at that night, I think I originally wanted to go to bed instead of go downtown. Anyway, it may have been the first time that a female gave me the light of day in public. I must admit it was kind of cool, and it made the night more fun than I would have thought it could have been.
I still haven't talked to this girl yet or contacted her, and I'm not sure if I want to anymore. During the ridiculously long drive home, I had time to ponder, and amazingly enough, I reverted to my old attitudes that no girl would ever be interested in me. Even if she was, it wouldn't be practically possible, since she goes to school at Tech. Mr. Johnson is right. It would be silly.
But at least that made me realize that I didn't have the feelings for my girl that I thought I had. A good thing? Well, it wasn't fair for her to be with someone who didn't share the same feelings or interest level. I don't think I was cut out for this. I think I'm better off back up on the mountain to tend to my gardens. Forever.
By the way, I think I need new shirts.
On another topic, finals are fast approaching. I need to learn constitutional law, criminal procedure, and federal income tax in exactly 6 days. Luckily, I haven't done a lick of work all semester. I also have a 15-pager on government patent infringement due in two weeks. I have a "rough outline". In other words, I have nothing. Every day, I think about just leaving law school, switching to a ground contract, and going straight to TBS. Maybe.
The protagonist in the book, 'Candide', always says that everything is for the best. I tend to agree with that view.
I think that is it for now. Good evening.
posted by Kelvin at 12:38 AM
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