Gamblers Anonymous?

I have finally decided to come to grips with reality and fix the problems that have plagued me for the past 2 years. Hmmmm, yes, it was almost two years ago when I made the leap into the world of online poker. It consumed hours and days and weeks of my life. There were certainly high times, but there were many more low times. Delving into the world of 10/20 and 20/40 limits was my ultimate undoing. Once you go high, you'll always have that urge to go back, even when you risk losing everything. I think that happened exactly 4 times, where I easily lost $1K+ in a night. After the first two, I shrugged it off as just "losing back other people's money". But once it's in my account, it's MY money. I lost MY money. Back then, I didn't think I had a gambling problem, so I kept reloading, telling myself I wouldn't make the same mistakes of playing in games that were too big for my bankroll. I made if for about a week or so without problems, then I got impatient and made the jump. Lost everything. Lather, rinse, repeat. During this past summer, after stopping for several months, I decided to give it another whirl. Goodbye, $1K. I ended up having to sell my JEM7VSBL (it's a guitar) just to put money back in my account.

Life during the fall semester was quite good. I played lots of golf and I lived a relatively stress-free life. No poker, no worries. No friends either (except my brother and Mr. Johnson), but that wasn't too bad. Right after my birthday over Thanksgiving Break, I was watching my brother and parents play, and I got the itch again. I made a plan with my bro and told myself I wouldn't fall into any self-induced trap. At that point, I kind of missed the game, and it was becoming too cold to golf. I honestly believed that poker was my "true calling", and that if I conquered my discipline problem, I could make it somewhere. The hilarious thing is that I actually thought I was that good. Probably based on early success. I'm really not that good. But anyway, I made it into the end of finals week, so that would be about two weeks. I played and managed my money well.

Unfortunately.....Party Poker recently added Blackjack to their stable of money robbing schemes. I tried it a few times just for fun out of boredom with poker and made a few hundred dollars. As you all know with gamblers, success always leads to broke. The night before my toughest final, I was casually playing during my break, but I caught a run of bad cards and lost some money. Blackjack seemed like the Holy Grail to making it back up, since of course I thought I was invincible and would easily make money from it. Wrong. Goodbye bankroll. I believe I lost about $500 in a little under 15 minutes. It was about 2 AM or so, and I had a final in six hours. Hooray!

A few days later, I added up all the money I had at the other poker sites and realized I was still even from the time I started. It was blackjack that did it to me, not poker, right? This will be like starting over again, but no more blackjack! Brilliant! I think I made it one week....

Tonight, I decided to play some 5/10 6max on a short roll. One heck of a roller coaster ride. Unfortunately, this roller coaster stops and lets you out at the bottom. Now I'm back where I started, minus a few dollars. Let's face it, I perfectly match the stereotypical gambling Chinaman. I guess now I'm nothing more than an insignificant statistic, basically of the many online poker failures around the world. At least I hope I won't kid myself into thinking I can win at this game. I obviously can't keep my money long enough to even try.

The gambling life is seriously a miserable existance. You spend many hours of the day sitting, which obviously can't be good for the body. The swings can drive you crazy, and I most certainly could never do it for a living. I'll give those Internet pros some credit, they definitely have some mental fortitude to do it. If I could go back and do it again, I'd probably do the same thing, because I got to buy some pretty cool stuff (like this computer). I think I would have probably ended up calling it quits a little sooner. I know these are just the trials and tribulations of growing up, and when I look back on it, it'll seem trivial and insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

At least I still have Smallville DVD's...

If anyone has any ideas for new activities or hobbies, I'm open to suggestions. I need something else to do that will keep me away from the clicky-clicky. Now you all know my secret little dysfunction, as well as the magnitude of my losses (which everyone is always curious to know about).

Maybe some additional people in my life would be helpful. Eh, I don't know. It's probably not worth it. I'm sure I'm not a very pleasant person.

On one final note, Gamblers Anonymous meetings encourage "donations" to help fund the program. I can't stand paying 25 cents for a pack of barbeque sauce at Burger King (yes, some places do charge for it), so GA isn't getting my money.

Has it already been a month?

It appears it has. It's been over a month since the last post on this stupid blog. We are into the final stretch of this semester, with only three more days of class and finals week. Being that I only see a select few people on a consistent basis while here at school (this year, that number is two), I don't know what the common peasant student feels about finals week. Do they stress out about finals like the kids you see on TV, or do they take a more relaxed approach? In general, people take this school stuff way too seriously, at least in public.

I've been thinking about the past four and a half years I've been here at Tech. Each year, the number of people I see on a consistent basis decreases each year. Freshman year, it numbered in the 20+, then it decreased sophomore and junior year as I discovered I didn't really care for many of my "friends". Senior year, I was isolated in the 3rd Battalion dorm, only to socialize with a handful of people, none of which lived in my building. Now I come to my super senior year, in which I only hang out with the two people I live with, Mr. Johnson and my brother. Other people just aren't worth the effort. Yes, that means you. If I attend graduate school, I wouldn't be surprised if I never make a single friend through three years there. It wouldn't bother me. They'd all probably be worthless douches anyway with B.A.'s in B.S. Wow, that kind of made me laugh a little. B.A. in B.S. How clever. If you didn't get that one, you are not bright. If you are a student and offended by that one, you should stop reading this and get back to your schoolwork. Oh wait, never mind, you don't actually have any real work to do.

I guess this reflected my high school days. I had a few good friends, but I don't think I ever made an effort to see them outside of school and sports. I was content sitting in the house doing nothing. I still am content sitting in the apartment doing nothing. I have Smallville DVD's now.

Hmmm, this reminds me of that computer game "The Sims". For those who have played this game, you'll know what I'm talking about, but for everyone else, the game basically simulates the life of a person/family. You have to control when he eats, sleeps, works, plays, etc. There were satisfaction bars that measured how happy your person was in certain areas, and one of those was the "social" bar. This measured how much interaction you had with other Sims, and it was undoubted the most aggravating bar to keep high. Apparently Sims can't stand to be alone, but all I can say is, you'll keep my happy level up if you keep my "social" bar down. Way down. Until it breaks. I want the bar to measure negative social level.

And how 'bout them Hokies? Mmmmm, yes, them Hokies. I'll leave it at that.

My thoughts on apologies: "There is no such thing as a sincere apology. It's called social tact. If I apologize to you, 9 times out of 10, I don't really mean it. For the other one time, you probably heard me wrong."

I realize that this post contains almost no intentional humor. I know there's plenty to write about, but I can never remember enough to write about it. And with that, I hope everyone does poorly on their finals.