Television and Being Lonely

Decided to make a late night post after watching Tech beat Boston College. I have been watching a lot more television lately, and there are two good shows that I thought I'd mention.

The Colbert Report

Stephen Colbert from the Daily Show gets his own show! This show premiered two weeks ago, and I have yet to miss a single show. It is hilarious, if you're into that sort of political humor. He has a "word of the day" on each show that is kind of related to events that have happened that day. So, a few days ago, Rosa Parks, one of the pioneers of the Civil Rights movement, died. Colbert's word of the day was "overrated". Where do they come up with this stuff? It's just brilliant. You should definitely watch this one, 11:30 PM after the Daily Show on Mon-Thurs.

Becker

My roommate Mr. Johnson introduced me to this show about a doctor who basically hates people. He is my idol. I want to be just like him. Here is a little tidbit of advice from Becker: "Whenever I'm feeling depressed or having a bad day, I just hang out with someone who's much worse off than I am."


It's getting late, and this post really wasn't a full blown commentary on anything specific, but I thought I'd divulge some personal thoughts on myself. I went out the other night to some party downtown, and I realized that social events just make me angry. People have told me to smile, and that makes me angry too. I am content being an unhappy person, so leave me be. I know lots of people who complain about being lonely (yes, I might be one of them), but after seeing the alternative (social interaction), I think I might pick lonely. I have gone out plenty of times during my 4+ years at college, but I don't think I've ever really had a good time.

When I reread some of my posts, I realize that I just don't like people. Things people do bother me. Things people say bother me. People talking on cell phones in public bothers me to no end.

Good night, and go Hokies!

Girl Meets Cell Phone

After watching the Family Guy movie, I realized how strongly this blog resembles Peter Griffin's "things that really grind my gears". Anyway, today I thought I would share some of the common cell phone conversations I've observed from girls around campus. Note these conversations also include the unspoken thoughts of the girl, written in italics, in addition to the spoken word, in normal font. Actions during the call will be placed in brackets. It really doesn't matter who the girl is talking to, since every call a girl makes on a cell phone is of equal unimportance. Therefore, the person they are calling is left out of the conversation.

CALL 1: Girl to Roommate, After Class Let Out

[Get up from seat in the classroom.] Wow, I can't believe I lasted a whole hour without talking on my cell phone!! At least I was able to touch it while checking the time every five minutes. Speaking of time, I'd better get my cell phone out to check it again. [Walk out of the building.] Finally, five bars, time to call the roommate!

Hey, whatcha up to? Me? I just got out of class, and I thought I'd give ya a call. It makes me feel insecure about myself when I'm walking alone and not talking on a cell phone. I want people to think I'm very popular and have lots of friends that need to talk to me during all waking hours. That class was sooo boring. It's really nice out, isn't it? I realize this call has no purpose whatsoever, so I'll ask a random, pointless question to keep the conversation going. I know I probably interrupted something you were doing, and you're pissed that I keep calling. Well, I'm gonna come back to the apartment now, so I'll see you in a few minutes! I feel that my whereabouts during the day are extremely important to you.

CALL 2: Girl to Roommate, in the Car Five Minutes Later

Hey, it's me again. I'm driving back now, just thought I'd let you know. I know I just talked to you three minutes ago, but driving is so boring that I need to be talking on my cell phone. Since everyone is still in class, I figured I'd just talk to you again. Also, I wanted to inform you that I was still on the road. I didn't want you to worry that I wasn't back yet, since I'm self-centered and feel, as previously mentioned, that my whereabouts at all times during the day are extremely important to you. [Car sitting in left turn late at a traffic light. Left turn light turns green.] So how was your day...? Gotta have that pointless, irrelevant question. [Car does not move.] Oh, I'm really tired, I couldn't even stay awake in my class! [Horns sound from behind] Hmmm, why is everyone honking at me?! It's because I don't care whether I'm paying attention to the road. [Girl looks up to see a yellow left turn light turning red. Girl goes through intersection.] Well, I'll be there in a few minutes, cya!

CALL 3: Girl Talks About a Weekend Party

Hey, didn't you have a great time at the party last night? I got sooo wasted, and I met this really cute guy there! I need to consume alcohol all the time because it makes me popular. I absolutely no semblance of a personality, so I have to hang out with people that drink all the time, since personality doesn't matter with them. Also, I'm downright ugly, so I need guys to drink so they might think I'm somewhat attractive. The guy I met was a total douche, and I wasn't able to see that since I was drunk (I know that I am attracted to douches when I'm sober, too). He parties all the time and drinks until he passes out. He needs to shave and get a hair cut. A shower might work too. He is worthless and has absolutely no future, but I'm too blinded by my douche goggles to see that. I can't believe I drank so much at that party...I can't even remember what where it was! I had one beer. Well, I'll talk to ya later! I will be calling again in five minutes.


A Few Observations

It may appear that I am unfairly picking on girls in these examples, but the truth is, I am. As you might note, each one of these calls served no purpose to either the caller or callee. They are simply calls for the sake of talking on the cell phone. I see commercials every day about cell phone overage charges and running out of minutes. I mean, most plans come with hundreds of minutes a month, and people still don't think that's enough. If people would stop talking on their cell phones every minute of the day about nothing, then there might be less to complain about. Now when you walk through campus and are curious as to what the dumb girl is talking about on her cell phone, chances are you'll find your answer in one of the three cases above.


Speaking of girls, I'll leave you with this somewhat humorous picture. Those of you who live with me will laugh very hard....

Sorry for taking so long.

Well, I decided to create a full post this evening. First, I'd like to elaborate on the OBX stickers...why do people think they're cool? Is it because people who don't know it stands for "Outer Banks, NC" think that it's some "super cool brand name"? So...you went to the beach eh...? What's this, two OBX stickers? They're identical? And placed side by side on your rear window? You went to the beach twice?!??! Wow, you're one lucky guy...or one coool guy!

Anyway, I was talking with Mr. Johnson this evening, and we discussed the Kaplan standardized test prep centers. I looked through the brochure and checked the prices, just out of curiousity, and learned that the one month, 9 session tuition was a little under $1100. Good lord. That is ridiculous, and what is even more ridiculous is that people actually pay that kind of money. I guess some people think you can buy your test score...they're only hurting themselves, because that class sure as hell won't make you any smarter.

Basically, you are given the same prep book(s) that you can buy in the bookstore for about $20-$30. Then, because you are too simpleminded to read and study it yourself, the instructor will read it out aloud for you. Of course, there is a class full of dim-wits, so you'll most likely have to wait as people ask dumb questions every 10 minutes. The only question they should be asking is, "why am I so stupid?" After you take a practice test, and because you're too daft to compare the letter you put on the paper to the letter in the answer key, you let your instructor do it for you. After it is graded, you sit there as the instructor tells you how stupid you are. If they want to get fancy, they'll print out a "scoresheet" so you can read about how stupid you are when you get home!

For those that are extra desperate, they even offer private tutoring sessions in the neighborhood of $3500 (9 sessions as well, I believe). Sooo, you're conning your parents out of everything they have, eh? Well, you don't even need to take the test to show that you're an idiot because you're actually paying that kind of money for private tutoring. Man, I might just go ahead and set up a private business for this sort of thing...if I do the math correctly, that's like a little over $350 an hour? Who needs law school when you can just take money from idiots who don't know better? That's like a dream come true!

Well, enough about standardized testing. I hope never to have to touch one of those again. I've recently been thinking about this semester and how life is out of the Corps. Well, I definitely have a lot less social contact, since I'm either in class, eating by myself, at the golf course, or sitting in my room til the wee hours of the night doing schoolwork. Long ago I realized how silly going out on weekends was...going downtown basically consisted of me getting a beer and sitting at a table with a few guys, looking around at all the women and douches lingering around them, and wallowing in my pool of self-pity. An hour later, time to leave and go home. What a waste of time. I could have drank in my house without getting ripped off, and now I smell like smoke.

Ah yes, I almost forgot, I mentioned in a previous post about chinamen. As most of you all know, I think chinamen (just the guys, although chinaman is synonomous with all people from the Asian continent, and no, that doesn't include the Russians...) are the weirdest, ugliest, and most useless people on the planet. It's no wonder that the female Asians (notice that I avoided the use of the word 'chinaman' here, since I know it would only cause confusion for the simpleton reader) gravitate towards the white boyz (a great movie). Yes, chinamen are at the bottom of the social chain. Even chinawomen don't want them. Heheheh, that makes me laugh. I honestly don't think chinamen have anything going for them. I see many in my classes (electrical engineering...infestations of chinamen...), and I can't help but wonder what they think of themselves. Do they're large brain-filled heads make them feel attractive? Or maybe their frail bodies? Or maybe it's their thick black hair that sticks up and out everywhere?

I'm not racist.

Alright, I think that's enough for tonight. Sorry, no bumper sticker.

A quickie.

Test tomorrow, and I did quite a bit of studying, so this one will be a short one, because it's late.

Actually, I can't think too clearly right now, so I will just leave you with the bumper sticker of the week. I'll have something better tomorrow.

Back in Business!

So, after several-month-long hiatus, I've decided to return to the semi-daily postings on this stupid little blog of mine. There's just so much to talk about, complain about, or rant about that I needed an avenue to express such feelings. I am now taking a much more unrestrained approach that is filled with bias, insult, and most importantly, truth. Many may be offended, and frankly, I don't care. I hope you take it personally. I doubt too many people read this, but I'm confident that those who do have the personal fortitude not to cry.

I took the LSAT (Law School Admission Test) today for the second time. The first attempt was in June of this past summer, and I didn't do quite as well as I hoped on it. Still, I finished at about the 50th percentile, and given the circumstances, I guess it wasn't that bad. Had a fantastic wedding to go to that weekend before the test, then I went to the beach after that. I took the test whilst at the beach. This second time around was quite similar. My preparation for it consisted of doing a few practice tests the night before. I definitely did better this time around. Now, onto the funny part of this experience.

I can honestly say the majority of folks take this test way too seriously. For what it's worth, it doesn't matter what school you go to, unless you're talking about maybe a top 3 nationally ranked school. Everyone comes out with the same law degree at the end. The only difference really comes from job recruiting. Generally, firms and companies scout in the more selective schools because they think everyone that goes to a "good" school must be an excellent law student. Therefore, the only people that would be obsessed with the LSAT are those incompetent ones that couldn't make it on their own and need to sneak through the cracks of a "prestigious" school, hoping to land a good job because they would otherwise suck at life.

(I know that argument had no real support and was terribly written, but I just wanted to emphasize that last phrase: "...they would otherwise suck at life....")

"....They would suck at life..."

"...They suck at life..."


Here are some quotes from some of the students that were taking the test in the same room as me, along with my commentary:

Random frat guy: "Man, my life will be normal again! In the past month, I've only had like 4 beers!"
Response to self: Wow....you sure must be proud of yourself! And a month? Come on, you seriously studied this thing for a month? You must be desperate.
Random frat guy: "After this test, my frat buddies are takin' me straight to TOTS!!"
Response to self: ............

Random sorority girl: [walks into testing room] "I've been taking that Kaplan course for the past month, and I've actually taken some practice tests in this room. I totally feel confident in here!"
My physical response: HAHAHAHAHA.

Same random sorority girl: "I hope I get into George Mason, or else I'll end up having to go to Liberty......"
Response to self: A little background information first. The George Mason Law School, due to its extremely small size, has the lowest acceptance rate of any law school in the country (yes, even lower than Yale and Harvard). Liberty is a non-accredited law school. Therefore, if your two choices are either, get into George Mason, or end up having to go to Liberty, then you're an idiot. You'll never get into George Mason, no matter how confident you are.

Ok, anyway, here are my thoughts on the LSAT. I believe that any kind of preparation for the test should be prohibited. I know that this would be impossible to enforce, but the only thing preparation does is make you think you're smarter than you really are. I have a good feeling that a large percentage of these LSAT test-takers are imbeciles that spend loads of money on "Kaplan courses", computer software, books, etc., in order to raise their LSAT score to a respectable level. The LSAT is a very difficult test, and I am sure the average scores would be considerably lower to more accurately reflect the true abilities of the average law school applicant.

Enough about the LSAT. Girls that wear trucker hats and those ridiculous looking big square sunglasses are dumb. They are just plain dumb. Do they not look in a mirror before leaving their house? Those glasses rank right up there with the popped collar and the double popped collars. To paraphrase a recent editorial in the Collegiate Times, when people are looking at you, they're not noticing how cool your goofy plastic sunglasses and popped collar are, but instead, they are laughing at how retarded you look.

To conclude for the evening, I'd like to present a rough sketch of the design for a new bumper sticker to replace some of the old ones floating around.

In the next episode:

Chinamen are the least desirable gender/race combination on the planet!!!