Girl Meets Cell Phone
After watching the Family Guy movie, I realized how strongly this blog resembles Peter Griffin's "things that really grind my gears". Anyway, today I thought I would share some of the common cell phone conversations I've observed from girls around campus. Note these conversations also include the unspoken thoughts of the girl, written in italics, in addition to the spoken word, in normal font. Actions during the call will be placed in brackets. It really doesn't matter who the girl is talking to, since every call a girl makes on a cell phone is of equal unimportance. Therefore, the person they are calling is left out of the conversation.
CALL 1: Girl to Roommate, After Class Let Out
[Get up from seat in the classroom.] Wow, I can't believe I lasted a whole hour without talking on my cell phone!! At least I was able to touch it while checking the time every five minutes. Speaking of time, I'd better get my cell phone out to check it again. [Walk out of the building.] Finally, five bars, time to call the roommate!
Hey, whatcha up to? Me? I just got out of class, and I thought I'd give ya a call. It makes me feel insecure about myself when I'm walking alone and not talking on a cell phone. I want people to think I'm very popular and have lots of friends that need to talk to me during all waking hours. That class was sooo boring. It's really nice out, isn't it? I realize this call has no purpose whatsoever, so I'll ask a random, pointless question to keep the conversation going. I know I probably interrupted something you were doing, and you're pissed that I keep calling. Well, I'm gonna come back to the apartment now, so I'll see you in a few minutes! I feel that my whereabouts during the day are extremely important to you.
CALL 2: Girl to Roommate, in the Car Five Minutes Later
Hey, it's me again. I'm driving back now, just thought I'd let you know. I know I just talked to you three minutes ago, but driving is so boring that I need to be talking on my cell phone. Since everyone is still in class, I figured I'd just talk to you again. Also, I wanted to inform you that I was still on the road. I didn't want you to worry that I wasn't back yet, since I'm self-centered and feel, as previously mentioned, that my whereabouts at all times during the day are extremely important to you. [Car sitting in left turn late at a traffic light. Left turn light turns green.] So how was your day...? Gotta have that pointless, irrelevant question. [Car does not move.] Oh, I'm really tired, I couldn't even stay awake in my class! [Horns sound from behind] Hmmm, why is everyone honking at me?! It's because I don't care whether I'm paying attention to the road. [Girl looks up to see a yellow left turn light turning red. Girl goes through intersection.] Well, I'll be there in a few minutes, cya!
CALL 3: Girl Talks About a Weekend Party
Hey, didn't you have a great time at the party last night? I got sooo wasted, and I met this really cute guy there! I need to consume alcohol all the time because it makes me popular. I absolutely no semblance of a personality, so I have to hang out with people that drink all the time, since personality doesn't matter with them. Also, I'm downright ugly, so I need guys to drink so they might think I'm somewhat attractive. The guy I met was a total douche, and I wasn't able to see that since I was drunk (I know that I am attracted to douches when I'm sober, too). He parties all the time and drinks until he passes out. He needs to shave and get a hair cut. A shower might work too. He is worthless and has absolutely no future, but I'm too blinded by my douche goggles to see that. I can't believe I drank so much at that party...I can't even remember what where it was! I had one beer. Well, I'll talk to ya later! I will be calling again in five minutes.
A Few Observations
It may appear that I am unfairly picking on girls in these examples, but the truth is, I am. As you might note, each one of these calls served no purpose to either the caller or callee. They are simply calls for the sake of talking on the cell phone. I see commercials every day about cell phone overage charges and running out of minutes. I mean, most plans come with hundreds of minutes a month, and people still don't think that's enough. If people would stop talking on their cell phones every minute of the day about nothing, then there might be less to complain about. Now when you walk through campus and are curious as to what the dumb girl is talking about on her cell phone, chances are you'll find your answer in one of the three cases above.
Speaking of girls, I'll leave you with this somewhat humorous picture. Those of you who live with me will laugh very hard....
CALL 1: Girl to Roommate, After Class Let Out
[Get up from seat in the classroom.] Wow, I can't believe I lasted a whole hour without talking on my cell phone!! At least I was able to touch it while checking the time every five minutes. Speaking of time, I'd better get my cell phone out to check it again. [Walk out of the building.] Finally, five bars, time to call the roommate!
Hey, whatcha up to? Me? I just got out of class, and I thought I'd give ya a call. It makes me feel insecure about myself when I'm walking alone and not talking on a cell phone. I want people to think I'm very popular and have lots of friends that need to talk to me during all waking hours. That class was sooo boring. It's really nice out, isn't it? I realize this call has no purpose whatsoever, so I'll ask a random, pointless question to keep the conversation going. I know I probably interrupted something you were doing, and you're pissed that I keep calling. Well, I'm gonna come back to the apartment now, so I'll see you in a few minutes! I feel that my whereabouts during the day are extremely important to you.
CALL 2: Girl to Roommate, in the Car Five Minutes Later
Hey, it's me again. I'm driving back now, just thought I'd let you know. I know I just talked to you three minutes ago, but driving is so boring that I need to be talking on my cell phone. Since everyone is still in class, I figured I'd just talk to you again. Also, I wanted to inform you that I was still on the road. I didn't want you to worry that I wasn't back yet, since I'm self-centered and feel, as previously mentioned, that my whereabouts at all times during the day are extremely important to you. [Car sitting in left turn late at a traffic light. Left turn light turns green.] So how was your day...? Gotta have that pointless, irrelevant question. [Car does not move.] Oh, I'm really tired, I couldn't even stay awake in my class! [Horns sound from behind] Hmmm, why is everyone honking at me?! It's because I don't care whether I'm paying attention to the road. [Girl looks up to see a yellow left turn light turning red. Girl goes through intersection.] Well, I'll be there in a few minutes, cya!
CALL 3: Girl Talks About a Weekend Party
Hey, didn't you have a great time at the party last night? I got sooo wasted, and I met this really cute guy there! I need to consume alcohol all the time because it makes me popular. I absolutely no semblance of a personality, so I have to hang out with people that drink all the time, since personality doesn't matter with them. Also, I'm downright ugly, so I need guys to drink so they might think I'm somewhat attractive. The guy I met was a total douche, and I wasn't able to see that since I was drunk (I know that I am attracted to douches when I'm sober, too). He parties all the time and drinks until he passes out. He needs to shave and get a hair cut. A shower might work too. He is worthless and has absolutely no future, but I'm too blinded by my douche goggles to see that. I can't believe I drank so much at that party...I can't even remember what where it was! I had one beer. Well, I'll talk to ya later! I will be calling again in five minutes.
A Few Observations
It may appear that I am unfairly picking on girls in these examples, but the truth is, I am. As you might note, each one of these calls served no purpose to either the caller or callee. They are simply calls for the sake of talking on the cell phone. I see commercials every day about cell phone overage charges and running out of minutes. I mean, most plans come with hundreds of minutes a month, and people still don't think that's enough. If people would stop talking on their cell phones every minute of the day about nothing, then there might be less to complain about. Now when you walk through campus and are curious as to what the dumb girl is talking about on her cell phone, chances are you'll find your answer in one of the three cases above.
Speaking of girls, I'll leave you with this somewhat humorous picture. Those of you who live with me will laugh very hard....
posted by Kelvin at 6:31 PM
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